Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Zac Brown, Take 2

Brad and I have gone to four Zac Brown concerts in two years.  That, to me, is a lot.  The third time we went to see Zac, our friends, the Whybrews, went with us, to Cleveland, to see them.  We, then, got to go to Apple Valley, for the next night, but that is a whole other post.  It was our end of the summer extravaganza, where we eat, drink, and be merry, just adults, all weekend.  It always delivers.

Anyway, the concert is at Blossom, near Cleveland, and I am a sucker for an outdoor concert.  I miss Polaris so much, that I am still bringing it up three years after it has closed, and I don't even live in Westerville.  It was one of my favorite things about Columbus, and it is gone, and I AM SICK ABOUT IT STILL.

In college, Brad and I would go to Riverbend, in Cincinnati, quite a bit.  We met there in the summers, when we were dating, because it was halfway between Louisville and Columbus.  I saw Eric Clapton there twice, The Dave Matthews Band, and Neil Young, and countless others.  When we lived in Boulder, Brad and I saw a lot of bands at Red Rocks - CSN & Y had to be the highlight, as they played with the Denver Orchestra.

We saw Sting at Churchill Downs, a few years ago, and it was amazing.  It was funny, because prime seats for a horse race, just simply suck for a concert.  We were in a box, under cover on a beautiful summer night, crammed in with a bunch of people we didn't know, and it was miserable.  We had purchased the tickets off of the internet, and we were totally displeased.  We were directed to a customer relations booth, set up in the Paddock, when we complained, and were promptly given awesome floor seats.  It was UNDENIABLY the best customer service I have ever received!  I will pull that scam again this summer, fo sho!

At Polaris, I have seen John Mayer, Coldplay, James Taylor, the Dixie Chicks, I could go on and on and on.  For having three children in the last decade, I made TIME for outdoor concerts.  It just fills your Soul!

Quite frankly, I have had seats on the floor, and seats on the grass.  I love bringing in a blanket and hanging out with all the other people, while you listen to music and watch the sunset.

Zac Brown is playing at Nationwide, and it will be great, but I relished seeing him at Blossom.  It was a beautiful night, and we were staying in town, and we took a cab to the concert.  We had brought a cooler and a blanket, and the cabbie dropped us off in this field, and we started to tailgate.

What happened next, my friend, Paul, described as a "one, two punch that none of us was prepared for."

Okay.  I will try my best to describe what happened next, and try not to leave out any details.  A  pickup truck pulls in beside us, with one of those tops on, and everyone jumps out like there is a fire inside.  A scantily clad woman jumps out the back, and starts freaking out about how her sandal strap just broke, and she has no other shoes to wear, and that WE must help her fix them.  She proceeds to lay on the ground, with her feet up in the air, and summons Paul over to help her figure out a solution.

Paul awkwardly walks over and stands over her, with her feet in the air, and tries to help her refasten her strap.  It is fruitless.  She has on these Gladiator sandals, and she is trying to criss cross the strings under the sole of her shoe, with her feet up in the air, and Paul is standing over her, like a lineman about to get into position, before a play.  His arms are outstretched and his feet are apart and he keeps looking down at her, and then at us.  It was hilarious.

Simultaneously, her boyfriend is searching around in the truck, looking for alternatives for her to wear and as of yet, he has only come up with dirty, grass stained high tops that, apparently, his brother uses for landscaping.   

"I ain't wearing those, Kooter!" she screams as she lays of her back. To be fair, his name was not "Kooter", but it might as well have been.  She is also wearing an impossibly short, cut off jean mini skirt, I might add. 

So Kooter approaches Brad, Kim and I, and Paul defects and comes over to our circle.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with her," he laments, "I mean, look at her!  She's laying there,  showin' everybody her  puss*hole, just to fix her shoes!" He snickers and then gets a look over his face, I can only describe as Catholic guilt.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have said puss*hole,"  he looks at me, "I guess that wasn't, how you say, polite."

(Note: Now, for those older readers, like my parents and my in-laws, you replace the * with a Y.)

I mean, I wasn't wearing a school marm outfit, but I wasn't lying on the ground with my legs spread, either.

 "Oh, no problem, I love puss*holes.  As a matter of fact, I have one."  I look at Brad.  He looks at me.  He laughs nervously.  I grew up in Kentucky.  Messing with rednecks is a pastime of mine.

"What'd she just say?" he didn't wait for an answer. Brad is shifting his weight from one foot to the other, like I have seen him do 1000 times before, indicating anxiety.  "Did you just say puss*hole?  That's funny."  Brad relaxes.  "C'mon honey, we gotta GO!"  She gives up and slides the high tops on, while hopping around, and they trod off toward the ampitheater.  As you can well imagine, we worked the word "puss*hole" into conversations as often as we could the whole next day and night at Apple Valley.  PRICELESS.

This, of course, with the perfect weather, and the incredible music, the sun setting behind the stage, and overpriced draft beers, was, easily,  my favorite moment of the night.  I hope that my experience, Thursday, is half that, and I will be happy.  I am going with Brad, and two of his buddies, and we are standing in the "Georgia Pit" next to the stage.  Brad informed me that we have to get there at 6.  We will secure our places for about 3 hours until the band comes on.  That's the way 41-year-olds do it!  Holla!

Scalp a ticket to Zac Brown this Thursday, or if you live in Bangladesh, like one of my readers, download their new album on Itunes.  If you have trouble, contact me and I will send you a CD.  FUR RE-AL!

I asked my friend, Kim, to send me pics from the Blossom concert.  When I got them, I was conflicted because one picture, I looked good in, and the other SHE looked good in.  Also, the picture of all of us was the picture Kim looked better in, so she would KNOW if I just picked the other one.  I put them both in, because I would look like an puss*hole, otherwise.   See how I worked that in?  It's easy!  Try it!  Also a recommendation for today.

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