Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Aminal Kingdom Part II

Alright we left off where Brad and I should have gone home after the Derby was over and we had money in our pocket, but instead we decided to stay.  We called home to congratulate Mills, who already knew she had won, and it was burning a hole in her pocket already.  Brad stifled any dreams of going to Target and promptly told her that her winnings were to add to her college fund.  Mills, being the Drama Queen that she is, interpreted this as not having enough money to go to college in the first place, unless she had won the Derby, and immediately turned the moment into this hysterical nightmare where her Dad had to get back on the phone and explain that she was going to get to go to college, with or without her Derby winnings.  Classic.  Brad goes and gets another beer.  Honestly, if that man were to have one more ounce of estrogen in his life, his head would explode.

So we ask the girls who their pick is on the next race, and we ignore them all and win it, using my superior betting skills, where I use the name and the color of the racing silks to determine the winner.  We are elated.  We quickly lose the last race and then we realize we are on our own and have no ride home.  We decide to "wait out" the traffic by going to a bar.  There are people everywhere.  We don't even make it to a bar when we discover a house party with a live band and the dance floor is their driveway.  Peeeerrrrrrfffffeeeecccct.  We dance for several hours and make many friends.  No, not the kind of friends you make for life, just the kind of friends you make for the night.  It is by far, my favorite part of the day. 

At some point we decide we are hungry and Brad goes to get us a cab.  Now this is where it gets random.  I look up, mid-interpretive Sweet Home Alabama dance, and he is holding open a door to a dark sedan.  He is waving me over and yelling my name.  I get in.  I am in the back seat of a car owned by an African American couple who I soon learn, "decided to help some folks out by giving them rides around town."  I roll with it.  I have no choice.  Brad decides we are going to Porcini's (Rick Pitino's restaurant where he fornicated on one of the tables and was extorted for it, for all of you basketball enthusiasts).  The couple drive us around town for 45 minutes.  It was not intentional, as there was no meter running, they just couldn't get their GPS to work. 

Finally, we arrive at Porcini's. 

Brad says, "Thanks.  How much do we owe you?"

The lady says, "Umm, that'll be $60."

I say, "What?  That was a twenty dollar cab ride!"  The lady and man look at each other and give each other that look like "are we going to get away with this?" as they shrug their shoulders. 

Brad gives them the money.

"Oh, wait," the lady stops me as I worm my way out of her car.  "Here is our number for when you need a ride home."  I mean, are you serious?

I crumple the number up in my hand and say, "I think we'll just take a cab ride home from here.  It will be a lot cheaper.  Thanks."

The next day, Brad and I determine we got off pretty easy considering we could have been held at gun point and been cleaned out completely. 

So, the door to Porcini's is extremely heavy.  It makes a creaking sound, too, so the people at the bar who are perpendicular to the front entrance turn to look each time the door is opened.  The hostess stand is just to the right of the small foyer beyond the door.

Here is what happened next.  I open the heavy door, and everyone at the bar turns to look. Brad steps on the sole of my flip flop.  I lurch forward and bite it right there in the middle of the foyer in front of everyone.  My purse actually slides and hits the bottom of the hostess stand.  The young hostesses and several people from the bar rush over to help me up and see if I am okay.  One of the patrons say to me, "Wow.  That was a perfect Pete Rose."  and starts laughing.  So does Brad.  Classic. 

The rest of the night was not as exciting.  We ordered food and then decided to take a cab waiting outside.  We took the food to go and came home and went to bed. 

I will be honest, I usually embellish these blogs to make them funnier or more interesting but in this case I left a lot out because it is not suitable for family viewing.  Just kidding.  In reality, the night is a little "patchy". 

My recommendation to you is to have a random night every once in a while, just to keep your marriage interesting.  Stick to public transportation or use licensed companies for getting around town, though. 

Or I guess another, more interesting recommendation, would be for you and your loved one to wait outside of a busy nightlife district and pick up random couples and drive them to their next location.  When they ask you "how much?"  charge them double what the cost of a cab would be.  That might be fun, too, and you will make a little money on the side.  It's up to you.  You have two different scenarios here.  I guess it just depends on how hard up for cash you are. 

1 comment:

  1. at least when you fell the top of your dress didn't come down.