Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sweet Brown vs. Charles Ramsey

Lord Jesus, it's Sweet Brown.  Please look her up on You Tube if you have been living under a rock:  News story and then remix.

So there has been a lot of stuff in popular culture lately that has peaked my interest and gotten my synapses to firing again.  Top of mind, obviously, is the Charles Ramsey case. Oh, I'm sorry, I mean the abduction and subsequent (10 years!) escape of Amanda, Gina & Michelle.

I'll be honest, I heard tidbits of the story last night because I was doing laundry and flipping back and forth between the Dance Moms Reunion, and my initial thought when I heard the interview with Ramsey was "Oh my Gawd, I need to set him up with Sweet Brown," and then my second thought was, "He is going to be a STAR."

That was even BEFORE the CNN interview with Anderson Cooper.  Actually, there are a LOT of heroes here.  Obviously, Charles Ramsey, but most importantly Anderson Cooper, who deserves a standing ovation for keeping a straight face during this interview.  I'll bet Anderson's pants were soiled straight through before they could turn the cameras off.  I know mine would be.  But, then again, I've had three kids and Anderson is a gay man with a perfectly elastic bladder.  I still would like to get my hands on the outtakes of that interview.  I could tell it had been edited.  I'm gonna make that a priority.

ANYWAY, before I saw the interview today with Cooper, I was INCENSED because the focus on the local radio station this morning on the way to school, was on Charles Ramsey and they were playing different versions of remixes constructed from several interviews.  Here's one.

I just kept thinking, that as a mother of three girls, that I would be so pissed that the media had chosen to focus on this dude's paycheck and his Ramseyisms, when I had been missing my sweet baby for 10 years! For instance, I have had to endure this gas employee (who also is a dead ringer for a member of ZZ Top) who not only has been destroying the yards of my neighborhood for a month, but he watches my babies exit my house every morning as they walk to school.  I want to jump on him like a Mama Puma and tear his eyeballs from their sockets, so I empathize with these families.  I would be inconsolable, and now they are finally home and these mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers have to watch Charles Ramsey pontificate on what he feels is most important about the case.  It just struck a nerve.

Listen, I am no angel, I quote Sweet Brown EVERY DAY, usually more than once, and my kids and my friends' kids can recite the entire newscast (case in point below, peeps) and sing along with the remix.   Yes, there was a FURR, but, no one was hurt and she became a media sensation. Maybe I am a hippocrite, but this seemed different to me.

In this case, three young women, two of them children, were abducted and tortured for ten years.  One of them is now THIRTY-TWO YEARS OLD!  I can only imagine the hellish nightmare they all went through, and there is a 6-year-old life created in this scenario that is a product of something horrible.  However, the headline I am see, when I google "Three girls abducted in Cleveland" is about how Charles Ramsey is being offered a job at McDonald's because he was holding "half a Big Mac" when he was mid-rescue!

But, then I remembered that interview that Katie Couric did with sweet Elizabeth Smart after she escaped from her filthy captors and was trying to reconstruct her life.  Katie just kept trying to get her to admit that she had been repeatedly sexually abused while in captivity and Elizabeth kept trying to avoid the question and maintain her dignity.  It was painful and humiliating, and I simultaneously wanted to punch Couric in the face and climb out of my skin.

O.K. Ewwww.  Gurlfriend turns my stomach.

You see, yesterday one of the newscasts I caught was with Elizabeth Smart and her father, independent stories that were edited together to produce one cohesive "response" to the Cleveland abductions and it's victims.  The father and daughter had similar advice, that each of the victims take time away from the world to heal, as the media scrutiny can be very overwhelming and invasive.

It suddenly dawned on me that Charles Ramsey and his crazyass interviews will deter the Katie Courics of the news world from focusing on the victims in this story and instead, they will court the stars that emerge like Charles Ramsey and McDonalds.  And with any luck, the victims of this ordeal will be able to return to their families and heal as best as they can, as they begin to pick up the pieces of their lives and attempt to put them into some sort of arrangement that they can cope with.

As for you, Sweet Brown, you will always hold a special place in my heart, for you are THE ORIGINAL and no one and no rescue with a sponsor will ever take that away from you.

Sweet Brown glamor photo.  Isn't she a peach? Found it right here on the World Wide Web.  I HEART you, Google.

And as for the rest of you, stay tuned for many contrived newscasts to come, because as I continue to preach...reality now has a script.

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