Friday, February 8, 2013

Murphs - My main gay

Murphy and I decorating Frank Fetch Park for Xmas.

So, I feel kind of guity even titling this post that way because Murphy, my friend at work, is SOOOOO much more than that to me, but I thought he would get a kick out of it.  Because at best..our relationship and banter can be described as "inappropriate".

Murphy, (we'll pretend his last name is Hendy, because it is) and I have incredible chemistry for an old cougar saddled with three kids, and a young stylish gay man obsessed with the Arts.

It is so difficult for me to describe someone that I love, so it is more natural for me to just introduce scenarios and conversations to give you a better feel for a person.

I am sure there is a literary term for that, but I am up against a deadline (picking Eves up from ballet/tap class and then shoving food down her throat, changing her clothes and scurring off to school) therefore, I am not going to look it up and instead i will spend an inordinate amount of time describing WHY I am not going to look it up.

But, I digress.  Murphy is classically trained for the stage and to my amusement EVERY MONDAY, WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY,  he presents himself and his outfit to me as he pirouettes and sashays around my desk. 

For instance, yesterday, I noticed that Murphy did his hair differently, and I complimented him on it, and in true Murph fashion, he began to elaborate on WHY he liked his new hairstyle so much, and how it accented his glowing skin and impossibly handsome face, and then I stopped him mid sentence (you HAVE to or you'll go MAD) to ask him, "Is there ANY quality about yourself that you DO NOT like?" and then we were reduced to giggles.

There is a very serious side to Murphy, too.  For instance, he is in recovery and just celebrated three years of sobriety, which is ANOTHER reason we make for such an unlikely couple.  I mean, my favorite pasttime is drinking red wine and I cannot share it with him and it makes me mental.

Listen, if I am going to have to be sober, I might as well be around my kids.  I HEARD that collective laugh, y'all.  I don't EVEN have to deliver punch lines any more.  GAWD!

Anyway, Murphy and I have become very close.  I can share with him the lotion that I got for my Mom on her last Mother's Day, and tell him about it, and he doesn't make me feel self-conscious by overreacting to such a personal statement.  He just rubs his hands together and smells his palms and leans down to me and says, "well then this must be very special to you, isn't it?  Thank you for sharing it with me."

Murphs has depth, yet he is incredibly silly and gregarious and I just LOVE him for it.  We hug every day I come into work, and he makes me love coming to work.

Look, I come from a long line of gays.  Well, at least two generations that I know of, and therefore, I am extremely comfortable with gay men.

My Uncle Mike was sort of my first experience with homosexuality (and it is as sad as is funny), he made Jack on Will and Grace look like Ahhhnold Schwartzennegger. He was married to my Aunt Kathy for several years until he finally had the courage to be himself, and move out to California and be the person he was meant to be.  Mike died of AIDS, which he contracted in San Francisco, when it was still called "The Gay Plague".  He died in Palm Springs a few years later, leaving his partner of many years, bereft and grief stricken.

You know, it was really just RECENTLY that homosexuality became mainstream, in terms of acceptance.  The general media , especially during the AIDS epidemic, generally regarded gay folks as unnatural, at the very least. 

This same bullshit still goes on, mind you, but my point is, that it was Will and Grace that presented homosexuals as gay first, and people second, and that was considered a huge triumph for the gay community.  What I am saying is, that if you really analyze some of those episodes, it only worked back then, because they introduced two gay characters that would be the most socially acceptable (i.e. Will, who is the straightest gay man alive, and his alter ego, Jack, who is clearly a characture of a gay man).

Still, it broke new ground and has paved the way for Modern family couple, Cameron & Mitchell , who are hilarious, but a very real gay couple, that one is able to emapathize with, not due to the fact that they are GAY, but because they are PEOPLE.  Food for thought, I guess.

Ok, back to Murph.  Some of my favorite moments.  Here is a painting he drew and then texted to me while I was at home feeding my kids macaroni and cheese and Mickey mouse shaped chicken fingers (Thank you Costco) for the third night in a row.

The caption read:

I just painted this picture and I wanted to show it to you.

Isn't this so cool?
It's you...without your make up.

I mean, CLASSIC. 

Murphs is a household name and my kids actually fight over who Murphy likes the best.  That doesn't mean THAT much, Murph, they pretty much fight about everything, but still, if you want some takeaway from this, have at it!

Moving forward...Murph and I were positively ECSTATIC when we were told that we needed to have our glamour photos taken for work - you know website, listing materials and such - we are plebian office staff.  Make no mistake, our photoshopped mugs would NOT be gracing any ads.

We laughed for literally weeks about what outfits and makeup we planned on wearing.  I told him I was searching for a traditional headdress, and he retaliated by confessing that he had a full on panick attack each time he looked in his mirror and thought about how he was going to do his stage makeup for the shoot.

At one point I dared him to show up in a tutu, and then I became extremely amused because he asked me what color he should wear.  I have come to understand that he has a rainbow of them in his closet.

I'm teasing.  Murphs is darker than that.  He collects old dolls, specifically those that are disformed and upsetting to the naked eye.

We had many conversations about the Christmas Card I wanted to send with my kids faces among the mutilated dolls, like ET in the closet full of stuffed animals.  We would build on this for several minutes until I had to go pee "because of my low bladder".

"That's so nasty." Murph will deadpan, "YOU are a dirty whore."

Anyway, Murphs and I got our photos taken by our residential real estate photographer.  He apparently used a wide angle lens and too much light.

Here they are.

Here's Murph.  He's such a dollbabe.

I made fact sheets out of this one and put my face where a photo of the front of the house should be and distributed them about the office.

Here's my official one.  Ugh!  NOT photogenic!  I like my other one better.  It is more representative of my personality.

My advice to you, today, is to find yourself a gay best friend.  Just make sure that you love them, not because they are gay, but because they remind you of your brother.  Gay men are the coolest people you will ever meet.  But BEWARE, you thought your preteen daughters were critical...just walk into the office after HOT yoga and you will get an ear full...from the way you smell to the melted make up running down your face.

You are the best, Murph.  I am so grateful to have met you and I am so honored to be your "main straight".


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