Thursday, April 23, 2015

The Pancreatic Roast

Okay, soooo last Friday, I issued a challenge to all of you to ROAST me in the name of Pancreatic Cancer and friendship, as it is the one year anniversary of our friend, Kim Whybrew's surgery.  I could not for the life of me figure out how to work the financial end, but I think that we came up with a good solution.
One year ago today.

So, without further adieu, I introduce to you CINDY TZAGOURNIS, guest blogger and ROAST HOST.  Oh my GAWD, writing a blog WITH someone is a lot less lonely than writing it alone.  Too bad she's so sleepy.  I have about a 45 minute window, here before she expires right next to me.

Her choice

My choice.

So here goes...

Really? How did I get this gig? I would do anything for you ,Kim, and gladly roast our girl Johnna - the material is endless! But strangely enough, this is not my thing. Well here it goes, Johnna Underwood... what can I say.  You crazy.  My kind a crazy. Raw, smart, raunchy, sarcastic, emotional, hilarious, creative...wait this is a roast right? Let me focus on the bad stuff, or at least embarrassing.

Can I start with your crotch sniffing dogs? Without fail, every time I'm at your place your dog (whether they are Elaine or Scarlett) zeros in on my lady parts and remains in the area until I leave (the next day). Regardless of my attire - white jeans, skirt, bikini (lol)- I am literally ravaged and humiliated while Johnna screams at the dog to "STOP DAMMIT!" Then, she quickly forgets about me, turns her cheek and laughs as the dog lurches toward my unmentionables...goodtimes.

Okay, I'm warming up now. Can I chat about our Famous Dirty Christmas Cookie exchange? Seriously... classic Johnna. A party where you are invited to have the privilege to bake 4 dozen Christmas cookies, make an appetizer, bring a gift, maybe a breakfast casserole for the morning and if you are lucky get asked to be the entertainment.
Like she eatin' those cookies.  Bitch, puleeez.

Wait...this sounds like I'm putting on the party? Oh yeah and when you fall asleep at 10pm your friends take demoralizing pics of you with a double chin.... Merry Christmas.

Good Morgin'

This blog would not be complete without mention of her overzealous intrusion into my sacred bathtub. I can't remember exactly how this went down but somehow we ended up back at my place, shortly after moving in. After having clearly had a few too many spirits that evening, Johnna decided she should stay the night. I know that seems responsible, but that is not my intention, nor hers.  Johnna loves sleepovers and invading your space and borrowing your things...especially if they are nicer than hers.

Me " Johnna can I get you some Jammies?"
Her " Yes you can and fill up that bathtub and get me some bubbles I'm takin a Bath!"
Me  " Oh well then ok let me get you a towel ma'am"

She stripped it down and dove in.

Her" ahhhh this is great, Can you grab me a glass of wine? Thanks girl"

Yep thats Johnna. If anyone else did that it would be so weird but with Johnna Totally normal.

  I truly could get much more graphic and tell story after story but I need to refrain. I got Kids!

  This guest blog gig is all about our girl Kim. Ive known Kim and Johnna for as long as Ive lived in the U.S.A. 25 years! That's a long time and I have 25 years of memories that mostly make me laugh til my stomach aches. My life has been blessed with a lifetime of laughter with my ladies that help me escape the realities of the daily grind. One of my ladies as you know Kim Whybrew has courageously battled her fight with pancreatic cancer. It's been one year since Kim had surgery to remove the cancer and Johnna and I want to in some way help fight this cancer, while giving her a laugh on what could be a stressful day.

OK.  The commitment part of the blog...Johnna and I and HARBOR YOGA are putting on a Fundraiser for Kim and Pancreatic Cancer at 7pm on May 15th.  We will go out for drinks and apps after.


Sign up online and let's fill all the slots.  Any donations appreciated.  Let's celebrate Kim and raise some money for Pancreatic Cancer Research!

The direct link to the Pancreatic Cancer Fundraiser for Kim is  THANKS TO ALL!!!!

I'm serious, Hookers.

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