Thursday, October 20, 2011

Who is on YOUR team?

Recently, I was contacted by Marcy Fleisher (, of Fleisher Communications Group (, because she was interested in pitching some ideas to me.  We traded several emails because, basically, I couldn't get my shit together, and then finally, we met up at Le Chatelaine in Upper Arlington.

THAT meeting almost didn't happen, too, because I did not confirm our appointment the night before when she inboxed me because, being the loser bird I am, I went to bed at 9:00.  I don't mean bed, as in watched T.V. until 11:30.  I mean, got in bed at 8:51, after putting the kids down (let's be real, they were all just staring at the ceiling listening to lullaby rap music) and was ASLEEP by 9:00.

So, ANYWAY, Marcy shows up at Le Chatelaine, and I am FULLY CAFFEINATED.  I had had two cups of my jet fuel-like coffee that I prepare at home (the night before, natch) and then decided to treat myself to one of their yummy lattes, once I got there.  Sorry, Marcy.  I should have warned you.  I have two speeds:  caffeinated and asleep.

Okay, so Marcy, couldn't be MORE lovely and rill (this is my new favorite word), as in "keepin' it rill, y'all!" or "fur rill!".  Please see video below.

Anderson Cooper is my new MAIN GAY.

Anyway, after meeting Marcy, who has, after ONE meeting, given me a TON of professional advice, and leads, I might add - it just got me to is almost like we are part of a team and she is a new teammate, if that makes any sense.

Let me clarify...and elaborate....and pontificate, if you will.  Try not to HATE, PONTIFICATE.  Or how 'bout DON'T HATE...PONTIFICATE!  Oh My Gawd, I just thought of the new masthead for my blog.

My manager, Jen, has been ON ME, to make my blog more of an experience. She started this nonsense when we were on our YACHT, of all things, ( while I was tryin' to get my DRANK on, of all times!   Jen feels that "when the participant enters your blog site, they should almost gets lost in the experience.  That's what I want people to experience your blog, not just READ it."

I was all, "Wow, that sounds VERY Dungeons and Dragons to me.  Can we make Gratuitous Guidance a portal to an alternate universe, like in that movie "Being John Malkovich?"  Sweet."  I said as I took another swig of my beer.  "Jen, I just want you to know how much I appreciate how much you champion me and my burgeoning career in the blogosphere, " I continued.  NO ONE is a bigger proponent of my blog than YOU.  It's just that the ONE thing you keep forgetting about me is how LAZY I am." And then we burst into laughter, and she began taking pictures of me to replace the fuzzy picture I had before at the top of this page.  Here are some of the pictures that didn't make it

Overexposed?  Not yet, I'm not!

Can't explain.  Weird tongue pose, I guess.

Watch your thumb.  WHAAAT?

Now, look at the moon.

No, The OTHER moon.

Big SMILE.  Not THAT big.  You look possessed.

Where's that moon again?

Money shot.

Too fat.

Too skinny faced, and awkward pose.  Makes me feel strange just looking at this one.

Pretend like your asleep.  You're smirking.  PERRRRFECCT!

You should see the difference between this and Marcy's recent professional photo shoot, in which they used clothing from Rowe Boutique (  I was going to show it to you, but there are copyright infringement issues.  Let me just tell you, though, that her photographer was easy to pose for, know what I'm sayin'?

Anywho, can you tell that we were just beside ourselves with laughter?  She was literally standing above me, using my pathetic $100 digital camera, taking photo after photo of me, while she said things like, "Work it!" and "Turn to the side.  Yeah, that's it."  She was acting like my shutter speed was like fifty pictures per second, but in reality it took a really long time in between each picture.  Hilarious.  They all turned out terrible, except the one I ended up using, but I guess my POINT is, that Jen is on my team.  She is not in my click, or anything like that, she just gets me, and accepts me, and genuinely wants the best for me.  And that is a rare, rare thing, my friends.

Okay, I have arrived at my original intention for this blog, again.  GOOD.  I guess I have just given a lot of thought to who is on my team, lately.  To me, a teammate is someone who does not have an agenda.  They are genuine and rill and positive.  However, they must also possess a certain amount of sarcasm, if they are going to be positive, to balance out all those good vibes.

Seriously, I am forty-one-years old and my girls are more self-sufficient now, and it is as if a fog has cleared in my head.  I think there are several reasons for that.  The first reason is because I am no longer just maintaining, anymore.  By that, I mean, before, when my children were young, I felt like I was just presented with task after task, that I either completed or didn't and then I went to bed.  There wasn't a lot of time for self-reflection or deliberation on who I wanted to surround myself with.  I was in survival mode, so to speak.

So, I am thinking about writing this post, which is a post about being the best that you can be, and that means editing out certain forces and things in your life that hinder that goal.  And then I find a message from my tennis partner, and good friend, Christina, that she had sent me last week.  People, it is not like my INBOX is flooded, so it was really random that I somehow did not get the message or missed it, but it was probably one of the nicest notes I have ever received EVER, in the history of this blog.  Just kidding, Christina, in my life.  

You see, before I started this blog, I tended to keep my freak flag at half mast, reserved only for family members and my closest friends.  Then, one night after two glasses of wine, and at the urging of my manager, and a dare from my husband, I gave birth to this inner demon on Facebook.

I had NO IDEA how it was going to be received.  I have had all kinds of feedback, but none like the letter (Facebook message, same diff) I opened (clicked on) from my (redundant) teammate, Christina.  What is that called when a word has two meanings?  They used it in Mills' spelling bee post (  Oh, yea, double entendre...FRAUNCH, shoulda' known.  Anyway, Christina gave me lots of inspired ideas, and some very heartfelt compliments, and although, I had not known it before, I realized that she was on my team...and I am so grateful.

You see, you don't really know who is on your team until you do something risky, really.  I am no fool.  I know that some, if not a lot of the bullshit I put up here is provocative. (Like using the word, bullshit, I guess - I just figured I could eventually desensitize you to it.  Next, up muthafuckin' bullshit.  But, I don't want to give away next week's word, just yet.  Practice amongst yourselves if you desire extra credit.  Baby steps.)

GODAYUM!  (November's word and new spelling)I digress again.  So, my advice today is very simple.  Ask yourself who is on your team.  It doesn't necessarily have to be someone who helps you out or even someone that you come into contact with frequently.  You don't have to have history with them, or to even have gone out and gotten shitfaced with them. Remember, your teammates are the people that GET you.  They like YOU, for YOU, and for no other reason.  Now, if you surround yourself with your teammates, then you can accomplish GREAT things, even if it is spending an afternoon laughing until your side hurts as you fold your laundry.

Listen, I hate to get all Dali Lama on yo' asses (Gungala,, Gungola, Gungola - see below) but imagine if the entire World insulated themselves with their teammates, how happy we could all be.  Just a thought. Now, get out there and receive total consciousness, BEEEAAATTTCCCHHHHES!


  1. Go Team Johnna! Why did I miss the photo shoot? Was I playing Boogle on the Ipad with Tonya????

  2. Pleasure being on your team. I will send you my glamarama head shot when I'm back. It's all about professional make up, hair, lighting, photographer, oh, and photoshop!
    Thanks so much for the shout out.

  3. Clearly, this is my FAVORITE post yet!! So sorry for the delayed response to it... I could give you some Bullshit excuse about how I've had SOOOOO MUCH going on, but we both know it's just because I'm six kinds of crazy and can't get my act together! You rock and I am definitely on your team!

    Speaking of, can we get t-shirts made that say, "Team Johnna"?!?

    Orrrr, ones where the front says, "Gratuitous Guidance" and the back says, "Did I offend you with my opinion?!? You should hear the shit I keep to myself."

    I'm full of good ideas...