Thursday, March 31, 2011

White Diamonds, cont.

Since Elizabeth Taylor's death, people all over the world have been Googling "White Diamonds" and sometimes stumbling upon my blog and reading it.  Okay, it is not a ton of people, but I find it fascinating that a keyword in my little blog are causing people who I don't know to read my stupid opinions and fantasies/realities.

The night that Elizabeth Taylor died (keyword, get it?) my blog readership went up twenty percent.  Is that hilarious, or what? I have to wonder.  Did they read another post?  Did they like my sober valley ranch post?  Are there people all over the country right now, as I write this, winding up their catsup bottles that they left the top slightly loose on and cursing me when they have to scrub their ceiling and draperies when it sprays in a complete circle around their kitchen?  They are probably in California - Beverly Hills - and they just lost their icon and their Drag Queen fav, and they are just goin', to town on the Internet, trying to find any and all information related to Taylor and then there I am - all blurry. 

I have a statistics page that enables me to see demographics of my posts, each day.  It breaks it out in countries, and I have loyal readers from Indonesia (just showed up), England, Pakistan, Colombia and many other vacation destinations.

"It's probably SPAM," Brad always says when I show him the breakout.

SOOOOO supportive.  I laugh because the inception of this blog was a series of calamities.  I will never forget the night I created this blog.  Brad and I sat down in the basement and after a few glasses of wine I told him, "I am ready to go live."

We had just watched "Social Network" and I kept using jargon like, "I'm wired in!" and "we don't know what it is yet, it's just cool,"  and we would just die laughing.  We kept joking that I would be the next big deal and all this stuff ....and then I pushed "Publish" - right there in the basement.   Well, nothing happened at first, because I put it out on Facebook at 11pm on a Tuesday Night, natch.  But then the lights flickered and Brad goes, "You have shut down Facebook,"and we threw our heads back and laughed a hearty and nervous laugh.

The whole reason I even thought to blog was because my friend, Jen. told me about Blogger.com.  I had read one blog up until that point - GOOP, by Gwyneth Paltrow.  I was super pissed at her because she had recommended this French pharmaceutical web site that promised Fraunch products at a fraction of the cost.  I WAS ECSTATIC.  I logged in, ordered a plethora of products, only to find out that the shipping not only negated your discount, but virtually made it impossible to hide you purchases.  No cash back option, bitch PLEASE.

Gwyneth, I guess doesn't have to worry about that because she just asks her rich European travelin' fool friends to pick them up for her on their jaunts to Paris.  I am sure they are not bitching about having to struggle with her bullshit on the Euro rail.

And you can't tell me there aren't mood alterers in her packages, either.  She is married to a rock star for Christ's sake.  Fraunch Prozac, fo sho. Anyway, she breaks her blog out into six categories - Make, Go, Get, Do, Be and See.  It is impossibly condescending and elitist, but it is like Vanity Fair, I read it anyway and pretend as if I am fabulous.  Some examples of her posts are the one I mentioned above - GO - stop by the pharmacy when you are in Europe to get discounted beauty products; GET - these ridiculous French whore peep toe lace up boots she recommends that retail at $1600 (they are a must have for the jet set in Notting Hill apparently. Totally something I can relate to as a stay at home mom  in Columbus, Ohio); and finally MAKE - to be honest, this part is pretty good.  I expected some gay micro biotic vegan bullshit, but da' bitch can throwdown a Mexican meal like no one's business.  I appreciate the voyeur factor of watching Gwyneth cook as well.

To be fair, most of her GO posts are pretty good, when she is not highlighting Marrakesh or Tokyo.  She and her blog have been accused of talking down to her readers and catering to the elite, not the masses.  Her guest blogs are always from other fabulous celebrities like Jessica Seinfeld and Michael Stipe.  Let's not forget the Turlington sister's guest blog on "doin San Francisco".  It is not the content, necessarily, that will intrigue people, it is the starf**ker factor - and she knows it.  She just pretends not to.  She has a little part-time job where she highlights her celebrity friends' latest ventures like their cookbooks and videos and at the same time she is giving us a peek at what her life is like, and we are gobbling it up.  At least I am.

My intention was to do a "lifestyle" blog with recommendations that common folk can relate to.  Instead, it turned in to this faux-autobiographical rant on all things random.  If I was aiming for a blog that is the antithesis of Gwyneth's, I have achieved just THAT.  It is not organized.  There is no order or sequence to the topics. I have no guest contributors, unless you count Brad and my mother who seem to have endless ideas and criticism for my blog.   I even forget to do recommendations sometimes.

But, here it is, in all of it's glory - complete with typos, run-on sentences and questionable syntax.  Oh, and let's not forget the sometimes offensive content.  But, it is mine all mine and I have enjoyed every minute of it.  While I was on Spring Break, my mom does not have wifi and being that she is a slave to Ebay, I had to go to Barnes and Noble to write. I also had to take all three girls.  Impossible.

I was only able to write two posts and I missed it so much.  It is obviously a creative outlet for me.  So I guess I want to thank everyone for their support when they share my link or comment on a post.  I will vaguely remember you fondly one day, although not your full names, natch.

Today's recommendation is pretty good.  So during that whole Fraunch Pharmacy debacle, Gwyneth recommended this yummy liquid soap that she uses in all of her bathrooms.  I think it is intended to be body wash but she uses it as hand soap.  I kept getting deja vu about it and after I realized I could not order $100 worth of foreign beauty products combined with the $150 shipping cost, I gave up and went to take a shower.  Right there in my shower was the soap that kept tugging at my unconscious.  I had purchased it at Marshall's, no less, a month before.

Okay, this soap is called, "Savon Marseille". It is $7.99 for 33.8 ounces.   It comes in several different fragrances and it smells wonderful.  My favorite is "Tilleul" or "Lime Blossom," if you are not an international language speaker, like moi.  I have it in every bathroom and at my kitchen sink, just like Gwynneth.  I may not have as many bathrooms, or kitchens, for that matter, but in my eyes, we are soul mates who share the same interests and tastes.  She just pays more for hers.  Below is a link to her blog, too, if you are interested. 

http://goop.com/

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