Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

There are many things that I indulge in that are not healthy for me, and The Rachel Zoe Project is one of them.  The fact that she is creating another life inside her emaciated frame should make the CDC issue a mandatory warning to the Planet Earth. That being said, a lot can be learned from her upon careful observation.

I LOVE that she shops in vintage clothing stores when she arrives in any foreign country. My favorite look of hers is when she rocks that school marm bow blouse and pairs it with a fur vest that looks like it was made from one of my kid's old stuffed animals.

Girlfriend is about fifty years old, but looks twenty, because she is filled with Botox and Juvederm and is always in full make up, even when she is lounging with her gay husband, Roger.  As my best friend says, Roger is president, vice-president, and sergeant-at-arms of the "I'm gay and I don't know it yet" club.  Each episode is choc-filled with the drama of a middle school cafeteria, and the eye of the storm is Rachel.

Don't get me wrong, she does not induce hysteria like on a lot of other reality shows.  She just indulges it or revels in it if you will.   She is obviously very driven, but her transparency as an individual apparently is contagious, as her assistants participate in a constant bitchfest about how hard they work while they steam clothing and talk behind each other's backs. It is fascinating to me to see so many self-centered, painfully shallow people interact.

Brad and I took a trip to LA to see the Bucks play with a bunch of friends.  Before the game, we got a limo and drove around and tailgated.  I would like to say that we saw the Hollywood sign and Rodeo Drive and other famous sight-seeing destinations throughout LA, but all we saw was the same 4 blocks of ghetto surrounding the stadium.  The limo driver was not allowed, by law, to park and tailgate so we literally drove around for four hours and drank.  Every half hour or so we would stop at this gas station to use the restroom and it actually took a few of us four or five stops to realize it was the same station every time.  (OK.  me included)

OK. This may sound like a complete bore, but it was honestly one of the best times I have ever had.  There were so many inside jokes that came out of that trip, it is ridiculous.  I have never laughed harder.  Just goes to show you that it absolutely is "the company you keep."

Now I know that limo drivers in L.A. probably experience a lot of shit, but can you imagine driving in a circle for four hours with a bunch of middle aged drunks from the midwest in the back?  That HAD to be one for the books.  His buddy is probably driving around some starlet and a producer doing lines and having sex in the back, and here HE is, stopping at a dirty gas station every 20 miles so the freaks in the back can relieve themselves.

Anyway, I mentioned that there were a ton of inside jokes created inside that limo and one of them was when we noticed a statuesque blond in a bright red convertible driving beside of us.  She was quintessential L.A. - long blond hair extensions, spray tan, injectible-filled lips and breast implants the size of those small seedless watermelons you see at The Giant Eagle.

Now, at that point the conversation in the limo had turned to the superficiality of the inhabitants of LA.  By our Midwesten standards, most people there seemed very focused on what they looked like on the outside, and (what we assumed) not so concerned with who they were on the inside.  How we could determine this by observing them on the street is beyond me, but that is the argument that was being presented by the women inside the limo to the men.  The men felt differently, of course.  Their argument was that if you look that good (like the blond next to us) who cares what's on the inside?

So we are all debating this and looking out the windows and the convertible slows to turn, giving us a clear view of the back of her vehicle.  Her license plate read, "SOOOWET".

"Oh!" I exclaimed.  "We completely misjudged her.  She, at least, has a job.  She's obviously a lifeguard."

Kate Moss has supposedly said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."  Obviously, Rachel Zoe subscribes to this, as she has the body of a twelve-year-old.  Hopefully, she can pass this neurosis on to her child, be it a male or female.  Much to my relief, Kate Moss is also a mother, so there is more than one dysfunctional role model out there for my three daughters, besides me natch.

The Rachel Zoe Project is on E!  I like to watch it while eating cheese and bread and something fried if I can get it.  Check it out  the real show and the spoof I found above and we'll discuss.

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