Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Spring Breakdown

Last year my mom and I, and my three girls decided to go somewhere for Spring Break.  My mom has that Disney Time Share Point thing so we stayed at the Disney Resort in Vero Beach.  We broke up the trip by breaking it in half.  I drove the whole way because she makes me insane when she drives and nearly kills me everytime I get in the car with her and because she tends to "doze" alot.

My mom has had kidney cancer and when they removed the tumor, her other kidney did not respond as we thought it would, so I kind of thought that we should do as much as we could before she had to go on dialysis.  We spent as much time in the car traveling to and from the resort than we did at the resort.  Two days getting there.  Two days returning.  Four days, three nights at the resort.  It was quite a trip. 

Vero Beach is very quaint and the resort is jam packed with activities for the kids.  However, while we were down there, the beach in the front of the resort was being "renovated" or something and this was a fact that the staff neglected to tell any of the guests before they got there, including us.  They did provide a shuttle to a very nice beach, but it was inconvenient to say the least, and more than anything, it was just the principle of the whole thing that was wrong.

I just hate when people (insert Brad) try to get away with something and then they act suprised when you act negatively because you realize you are being screwed.  "Disney," as my mom calls everything to do with Disney World and its affilliates, (I believe when she says it she actually pictures Walt Disney the person and not the conglomeration) was operating on the assumption that they would just ignore the noisy dump trucks and closed beach signs and act as if everything was "business as usual" unless someone complained and then they would compensate them.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease - everytime.

So, somehow I encounter this very angry woman and her equally apathetic teenage daughter in the lobby of the resort one day.  She is "fit to be tied" as my grandfather would say.  My mom and I had been completely oblivious to the screwing we were enduring as we hung at the pool and drank overpriced margaritas while the kids took class after class and played game after game.  It was hilarious how my mother, the non-drinker would "crave a cocktail" by 3 o'clock everyday.  Kids'll do that to you and so will warm weather.  Frankly, I don't know how people in Florida and the Carolinas stay sober enough to carry on with daily life in the Spring. I know the people of Mexico don't.

Anyway, this lady was of the privileged variety and so was her teenager and she was complaining to me about how she and her daughter had just traveled "all the way from Disney World" (I think it's under an hour and a half) and she had to rent a car and even though the beach they take you to is nice, it is a pain in the ass to pack all of your stuff up and get on a bus and what is it with all of these rules here and at Disney World and I am so sick of it and she went right up to the desk and got her Disney points back. This Beeeaach raised such a stink they were giving her free meals and shit. 

So, understand that my Mom and I and the kids were having a great time and adhering to all of "Disney's" rules like buying one of their refillable coffee cups and using it to get your own coffee and sodas and we are smiling from ear to ear as we are charged $18 for a mojito and here this woman comes and demands that we realize how awful we have it. 

I tell my Mom about this new revelation and she is actually afraid to go up to the front desk because she "doesn't want Disney to put her on some sort of list". 

"What list would that be?"  I ask, "The sucker list?"

"No, smartass, the bad list.  I mean, Disney doesn't like people like her.  He likes people like me."

"Oh, I get it.  So, he likes team players, does he?  I am confused.  Do you work for Walt Disney or are you his customer?"  I say as I fill up my mickey mouse coffee cup.

"I don't know. He just respects me, I guess.  We understand each other."  My mom is whispering now. 

"Mom, and I mean this in the most uncondescending way, Walt Disney is dead and he was never your friend.  Now go up there and get your points back and then you will be able to justify all this expensive shit we have been doing to Dad."

So I watch my Mom get in line with the other disgruntles, who realized upon arrival that they were not receiving what they had been promised.  She talks to the desk clerk who tells her to have a magical day before she walks away and my mother has a huge "shit eating grin" on her face as she tucks her paperwork into her Mickey Mouse folder I gave her for Christmas. 

"What did you get?" a voice says from behind me.  It is the angry lady and her daughter who is wired into her Ipod. 

The angry woman's smile quickly turns into a straight line and she is visibly pissed. My mom and I look at each other quizzically.

"They didn't offer us any Godd**n balloons!" she sputters and she jerks her daughter by the arm and her silk Mumu cover up flutters in the wind as the automatic doors that lead to the ocean open.  You can hear the construction on the beach over the waves and a truck that is out of sight is backing up because you hear the "beep, beep, beep" it makes.

My Mom turns to me with a smirk and says, "Have a magical day." and we all double over in laughter - even my three-year-old, but she doesn't know what she's laughing at.  It doesn't matter, though, cause that's what this blog is for.


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