Monday, November 7, 2011

Sista Wivery

She hates that headband, but her Mimi and I make her wear it.  At the end of the day, it really is all about US.  When she complains that it is tight, I always tell her, "Beauty hurts."  And it does. 
There's just somethin' about a little girl in a tutu that gets me everytime.

I was going to do this post on free things you can do with your children, but now I realize that that is too boring and positive.  Instead, I would like to talk about sista wivery.  Sista wives are like Sister wives, only cooler, see?  My sista wife, Jen, who is also my manager, (what you think that is too enmeshed? Enmeshment is the very embodiment of sista wivery.  No boundaries, get it?) and I share our children every Tuesday and Thursday.  Mia and Eva are both four-years-old, and they attend the same pre-school class, go to the same ballet/tap class, and they engage in the same "afternoon enrichment program" - Munchin' and Movin'.  This is all done for the convenience of their Mothers' schedules.  They basically did not know each other before this year, and my sista wife and I, decided they should be friends and spend all of their free time together.  Again, who needs to be Mormon to be or have a sista wife?  Not me.  I just have adopted a lot of their priniciples surrounding raising children with another family.
Mia and Eves.  BFF's because we SAID SO!

My sista wife, Jen, sends me a text every Monday, that details my schedule, regarding the children and their social lives.  She delivers this from her lightening quick Blackburrry, and I do whatever she tells me to do.  No questions asked.  Here is an example of a text:

Mon: Jen to and from (this means preschool)
Tues: Eva here AM, Jen to and from
Wed and Thurs: Johnna to and from, don't forget ballet.
We need pumpkins for school. 
Pick us up 2 at GE SW.

Gratuitous Guidance: Wtf  is GE SW?

Jen: Giant Eagle Sista Wife!!

LOVE IT!!!!!!!

Luckily, our children all get along really well, I think, because WE are such good friends and our children reflect different aspects of our individual personalities.
Look at her, all up in my Bizzness.

 I am a stay at home Mom, and my forte is menial repetitive tasks. (I also am proficient in taking orders from people who drop their s's and cannot pronounce their r's.  Example:  MOOOOOOM, you were aposed to find my 'pecial 'tuffed aminal for Shaowww Day!) If there is any change in my routine, it must be documented and then regurgitated to me at least four or five times before I will get it.  The fact that Jen just sends me an electronic memo is priceless.  We are so past apologizing for being direct or worrying if one person has more responsibility than the other.

As a result, we each have two girls that have something to look forward to, socially, twice a week, and we are each afforded a free day, sans the cost of childcare, to do whatever we want.  Our carpool is rock star status, and I am enjoying more freedom than I have ever dreamed of this year.

Now, if I can just get my sista wife to move in and share the responsibilities of cooking and cleaning.  Who am I kidding?  We would just end up drinking coffee and then wine all day, while we watched E!

Anyway, this does qualify as "Free things you can do with your kids" - only you are the one who stands to benefit the most.  Who cares?  It's a win-win.

Go get yourself a sista wife.  The parameters are as follows:

1. You need to be good friends with the mom, so there are no annoying uncomfortable pleasantries exchanged.  It's all business.

2. I think the children need to be at least 4-years-old.  Otherwise you are babysitting, and that just sucks.  In that case, just stick to carpooling.  Let them socialize at wherever you are taking them.

3.  Resist the urge to hang out together. Get your shit done.  You can always hang out with each other and your kids because you are friends, and you will anyway.

4. At first Jen and I were planning on "outdoing" each other on our playdate days, by taking the girls out to lunch or to the Zoo.  This NEVER happenned and the girls are lucky if their chicken nuggets are warm and they get to "skip" in the parking lot on their way into school.  My point is, just treat your sista wife's kids as your own, and don't try and make a big deal out of things.  It is just wasted energy.  At that age, kids just want to play.  Let them, and go back to watching your stories.

5.  Make sure any extracurricular activities the children do are in tandem.  Don't break the chain.  If you start to introduce them to new people and interests, it will become more and more difficult to manipulate them.

Hilarious.  This is obviously going South.  I need to stop.

Obvious Guidance Statement:  Get yo'self a sista wife, Fool!

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