Head to Toe Coach

I find label conscious people to be captivating.  My father-in-law (we'll call him, "Kennie") loves a good oversized logo.  It makes him so easy to buy for, really.

Which begs the question, why does someone wear something with a big logo on it?  What does that say about them, as a person?  Do you like the way the clothes fit?  Do you want people to know how much you paid for it?  Was it just on sale and you needed a sweatshirt?  Wouldn't it be great if everyone wore their size on the outside?  I don't know why that hasn't caught on yet, with all of the shallow people in this world?   

At UK, where I went to college, the "bums" (Now they are called homeless.  However, my definition of a homeless person is someone who under an unfortunate series of circumstances cannot make ends meet, and are forced out of their homes.  These guys choose to live on the street, and only utilize social services when it gets cold.   I was a social worker in Denver -another 50 posts- I know of what I speak.) were notorious for rooting through frat and sorority house dumpsters, and they could often be seen around Lexington, wearing Kappa Krush t-shirts and SAE cutoff sweats.  I was fascinated by this.

Do you think they ever looked at one another and thought they were better than the other because of the Greek lettering on their chest?  Did they ever dig through the trash to find a fraternity or sorority affiliated t-shirt or hat that they didn't like, and throw it back while spouting obscenities like "They suck.  They were good in the eightys, but a couple of bad pledge classes will do you in".  Did they like the "party houses" better than the studious ones?  I could go on and on watching them from the steps of my sorority house sipping Diet Coke while I cut class.

I once sat next to a woman at a play who was in head to toe Coach.  She had on a Coach jacket, Coach pants, Coach tennis shoes, and a Coach bag (natch).  But the most curious thing about her outfit was the leather Coach baseball cap.  She might have had a chance if she had left that out, but to me that was a dead giveaway that her outfit was not authentic "Coach".  Did she check herself in the mirror before going out, trying her look with the hat on or the hat off.

"Which looks better?"  she would ask her husband, "is it too much?"

In my mind, he would keep watching the game and reply, "Uh huh".

Then, she would sigh, put the hat on just a little sideways, grab her bag and say, "Turn that off.  Let's go."

I recently bought a Helly Hansen sweatshirt off of EBay.  I had seen it on a girl at the Rusty Bucket and it looked like a form of pajamas that one is allowed to wear out of the house - and that is really something I can get behind.  Anyway,  it was shipped to my house and upon opening it, I discovered that it had the words Helly Hansen plastered across the back.  Now this is something I would've liked to have known in the description or the photo.  So now I feel like I cannot wear my designer pajama sweatshirt out of the house because it "says something about me."  If that is not neurotic, I do not know what is.

It's just that since my sorority days, I have found it difficult to wear big labels on my clothes.  Don't get me wrong, there are identifiers everywhere, from the subtle Outerbanks Golf Course ball caps to the in-your-face solid gold, gem-encrusted medallions that Cindy Tzagournis wears.

Do you suppose a tattoo is the underground response to establishment identifiers?  I love the sans scrit tats that people get that they don't know what they mean or are misspelled.  Is there anything worse than someone who is posing as someone who is rallying against society's hypocracies?  Truckers all over the South, must have suffered a collective wince, when Ashton Kutcher wore his first trucker cap on Punk'd.

Last night, I was over at my in-laws having drinks and apps when my sweet, 70-year-old mother-in-law, (we'll call her Janice)  told the story of how she duped her two daughters recently.  Her daughters live in Lexington and she was visiting them shortly after a trip to Mexico where she celebrated her birthday.

She sits them down and explains that things got out of control in Mexico one night and she has done something that she cannot undo, and she is mortified.  Okay, I know this seems funny on it's face, but if you know her, she is NOT the type of person to do anything reckless, let alone at age 70.  So, anyway, her daughters are anticipating something mild like a toe ring she can't get off or something, and she pulls back the sleeve of her shirt to reveal a "sleeve tatoo". (For those of you who do not know what that is, it is a shoulder to wrist tattoo that covers the entire arm.  See photo above.)  She said both of her daughters actually gasped.  It looks so real.  It is made out of pantyhose and slips over the entire arm.  She explained last night that her 70-year-old friend, who gave it to her, has a tat sleeve that is even better and that it is "beautiful", with a some sort of mermaid.

Could this be the new "must have" item for the 70-year-old, jet-setting crowd?  Are we going to start seeing the "ladies who lunch" filling the cafes of Arlington with tank dresses that accentuate their tat sleeves?  They will have a pashmina thrown over their shoulders just so, as they nosh on tea sandwiches and drink ice tea with their pinky extended?  Now THAT is a world that I want to be living in.

Anyway, Helly Hansen is my new fav brand for sportswear.  It is foreign (or "farn") and it is fabulous.  Oh, and it makes you look VERY RICH.  Check it out on Ebay. You can get some very good deals.  (I saw this amazing three piece suit for Brad).